I ended what I shouldn't

I am Grace and I am another ordinary girl in this whole wide world.  I am not sure what I did, but what I am very sure about is not meeting him today. He was outside, I was still sleeping when I heard he knock the door. Seriously...blurr...but one thing for sure, I don't wanna meet him or to be precise I don't wanna listen to what he has to say. 

I opened the door, and he was there. He wore the red shirt we bought together from Body Glove clothing store, his face looks sad but quite confident. He wanted to talk but I immediately shut the door. He continue knocking..

I went to the kitchen, clean my self, drink some water and went back to my bedroom. He was still there.."gosh, when will he give up" I tied up my hair and he left..

"Maybe he has given up..." thats what I want him to do at the moment. After a few minutes he came back, he called my home..( I'm sure thats him)..then he called my cell. " Hows that feel when someone hangs on you" I decline his call. After the third time, it annoyed me. So I pick up the phone and just listen; He said let me explain, give me the chance to explain...bla bla bla...I'm innocent..I fell asleep... The moment I heard that line, I just hang up. Gosh, this person is so annoying! Same old lame excuses again! Do don't tell someone to keep in touch with you if you knew that you were not available at the moment. I waited for you! and I called you a thousand times! You st**** brat!

I was on fire, just like right now. I pissed off, good times. I was so so angry with him. The conversation turns into something bad well yes, its my fault by not giving him the chance to explain but why should I? He didn't gave me the chance to reach him last night and he just disappear.  

He was so angry when I deleted the pictures and put no status on my acc. I want him to notice that, of course..when you hurt a girl so badly she will gone mad and lose control of her emotion. I am like a grenade, I just explode. 

Wow, this is not really a good post to read, but the purpose I created this blog is to write. 

I am Grace and I am still an ordinary girl that suffered heartache, just like you guys.

Good bye.

with love,

Grace.

I am struggling..

I am seriously struggling.

I am confused.

I love our Father in Heaven so much that I try my hard to figure out everything.

Why is that happening.

At least before all this I am ME and really close to God.

Is it a Satan way to make me far from Him?

that is so sneaky and seriously evil.

"How can you feel so far from God when you are actually at the right place to stand."

Should I blame myself for being so insecure and unhappy.

Why is this happening..why did I chose it to be this way?

Am I too young to understand God's love? or AM I NEVER WILL UNDERSTAND ?

will I forever be judge by everyone near me?

I am so confused.

I am really confused. ACTUALLY.

No.

sigh

NO.

 NOPE.

I am a human being too !!

JUST LIKE THEM I HAVE REGRETS IN LIFE TOO !!

YES !!

YES !!!

I made mistake. Big one. maybe two, no..maybe the whole year in my life. BUT listen carefully,

I don't live to embrace anyone on EARTH. right...right? are you listening? are you reading??

I AM NOT A TOY !!!

and I am not a barbie to live just to be judge on the appearance, beauty and that fake permanent smile.

NO.

I am not going to please anyone.

I live to be happy and accept my mistakes, accept my life, accept my weakness.

I live to embrace God and spread His love in the most positive ways I can.

I live to have friends who will make me seriously out of my mind but still stick with them because they are the best !!

I live to enjoy every moment of my life because I can't never know what will happen in the future !! 

I live ONLY to please GOD !!!

BECAUSE I CERTAINLY KNOW !!

ONLY BY PLEASING HIM, PRAISING HIM !!

I WILL HAVE THE BEST MEMORIES ON EARTH while Breathing by the BREAD OF LIFE.

I live to be HAPPY because of Him.

PERIOD.

sincerely on Sabbath day,

15th August 2014

Friday

Grace

p/s : i wrote right away from my mind. I am sorry for all the grammar mistake.

Hide my love..But I do love you.

I am hiding from my mum because..

She hates me.

Everything I do is wrong.

I can't stand the way they punished me..they just ignore me and act like I am invisible.

I am deeply hurt because at this age that was the last thing you want your family do to you.

I understand things clearly and I am big enough to discuss about anything. 

But of course...all they did saw was my mistakes.

I suffered a lot of things

This might be permanent.

I will keep on running away from you mum...that way I won't hurt you anymore.

I will keep quiet and stay out of any conversation that include you.

I will do all the stuffs you want me to do..silently.

I will be invisible for you.

I will take care of you but I will never talk to you anymore.

I am sorry.

It hurt me so bad when you ignore me and this is not the first time.

I am done with this punishment of yours. I will make it permanent and I hope you are happy.

love,

Grace.

hurt

Cranky gracie

Hello guys ! Happy Sabbath day first of all..hehe..here I am sitting, relax and trying to express my self again in my blog. :) So ive been quite a cranky girl this few months since I suffered from facial products. hahaha..

Well theres a lot of facial product out there and you can choose anything from the cheapest to more digits on the raw. Since I join the crew back on track, jog, sweat, hot weather and so on..I found out that my skin became darker, dull and  dried. I am a bit depressed because I really care about my skin. I love myself and I want to look pretty yes, everyone wants to look pretty.

Even though I took many cute pictures, I still feel sad about the fact that my skin are slowly rotten out. *okay that is over* hahaha...no lah, just dry and dull. So how I overcome this problem. ?

# In this picture I look fine but actually I am already suffered from dried skin.

# In this picture, my face is actually really oily and started to have pimple everywhere in small range.

# Today I just purchased this cleanser, because i've use it before and my face feel fresh also moist~~

I LIKE.

This product is suitable for my skin type. Oily and dry *unstable

# This product is a well known product and it was recommended by one of my  girl, Azna~

I just receive it today, so I'm gona give it a try and see how far my looks will go after this :3

*crossing finger

:: INFO

1. Whitening

2. Pore tightening

3. L-glutathione

4. uv/a/b/c protection SPF 130 PA++

nice uh ? hehe...contact my friend to purchase https://www.facebook.com/azna.shafeyra . so far this is the cheapest on mart. 

RM26 (my boyfriend bought for me)

*others : RM50, RM30,RM40 etc..

# Also ! this is one of my love one. I bought this in Shah Alam 1/2 price :3 really happy !!

It makes my skin become smoother, nicer and reduce dry skin issue.

***

Product I wear before all this ?

Syahirah~

Yes. I am not compatible with that product. 

I give away my syahirah moisturiser to my beloved sister and also I give away my cream to her AND aaa...give away my facial foam to my brother. :) okeiii...thats all from me tonight.

I love you guys whose reading this and...blessed SABBATH :D

HOLD my HORSE

          Hey there friends and family, its been a long time since I 'busyly' doing my own things. :)

Things were quite OKAY. yeah, just okay because nothing special really happen to me EXCEPT ?

Hahaha guess what, I am one of the Gold medalist athlete from UMS. (crap my English) I sincerely felt overwhelmed and really-really happy for everyone who works so hard on this. :)

Thanks coach, Jecyntha si comel and friends and family and my Clement ^^ awww...I am really happy..its an honoured. Seriously..yeah. :) 

So, my sem's break were filled with lots of wonderful memories with friends and family. First of all, I was chosen to represent UMS for Team Kata event. I felt awkward and found it really hard to digest all the steps. Shortly..a lot of stuffs happen to me and my friends. 

Shortly, we went to KL. yeah..UITM, Shah Alam, Selangor. Big place..sunny..HOT...sunny means HOT..sunburned. yeah..

First time I ate this, pedas bha~ :'(

I love my friends. They were there when I'm down and when I am hurt. Thanks guys. much love.

 Happy face after all the event..very tiring week :)

Last but not least, thank you Clement. :) for being understanding and really love me for who I am.

I am sowie because I am just me.

simple

not attractive

lots and lots of weakness

and just 

ME

:)

Changes is good.

So, there is this girl..she used to be so madly in love with the one she really love. Because, she thought that and still believe that..her feeling is real. She fall in love with someone who is way younger than her, first she thought that she was insane. But after that, she just go with it and see how far it will go..

Things doesn't always look beautiful even if it looks really fine and normal. She gave up once. Why? Lets just say that things don't goes as she wanted.

Now..

Lets just end the pain. :) because the girl is tired of all the drama.
She was hoping too much on her prince. She hurt herself and she is not happy with things that looks funny and a total childish.

Bored. yeah..so this girl have to get use of living a life without any phone call any more.
This girl can't sleep at night without her prince sing her a lullaby, but i am sure she will get use to it..eventually..

This girl will get use of staying alone in her own small car with no man by her side.
Changes is good. and i believe that.

She can't be the girl who is so full of patience and lovely smile and innocence look. Sorry..

Yeahhhhhhhh !!!!! stand up and smile little girl !! you have keep all the small things that your prince doesn't show to you. you have kept the pain and now its time to release it.

Forgive and forget. since the prince doesn't like you any more.it means you have to move on and stay positive.

Someone else will receive you unconditionally.

with open heart.

Sincerely,
a sinner..grace.

I am sorry

Hye there, first of all..Happy New Year.
Well yeah..:) today i was supposed to spend my time with someone special. But I screw it..well to be precise, we screw it. how? This is what happen.

On Tuesday we plan to go to Muzium to search some inspiration and idea on my art work aka spending some sweet time together. However,

Thursday morning :
I woke up at 6am :D hooray !! but sadly I felt really dizzy and my vision blurred..can't see things clearly and headache like a damn damn damn ok enough with the harsh word. HEADACHE..:( my body hurts because of the training at dojo and I am just can't resist my self from going back to bed.

I wana tell him about this so I called him..but I can't reach him..so I keep on contacting him..over and over again but I can't reach him at all.

So, with a sad heart I go back to sleep.

Then he called me. I answered : ' can i sleep first '

He let me sleep until 1pm..I know hes confuse but theres nothing I can do. I can't even wakeup.

****shortly, I told him what happen and he understand. Thank YOU.

Sadly, I can't go out tomorrow. so yeah...no Muzium moment for the two of us..

its ok..

sincerely,
Grace