a bit sour taste in my tea..:')

Hold on for a little more time

Tonight I sleep very late..yeah I guess everyone knows why..yeah…my life was very tough right now..I just can’t imagine myself at a very down situation..not yet I guess..not now..

Fuhh..life is getting harder and harder and its making me nervous..how am I supposed to handle the future..I mean..my future. Am I gonna be just fine..or..worst. God how should I do it ? I am very confuse..really confuse actually..help me please..please..

Well..congratulate me today I just found out that I am the owner of the lowest marks in Japanese class..I felt..DOWN. J you know what I mean guys ??

I know God did saw how much effort I put this time..and it just…not enough. Well what should I do ?? HUHHhhhhh ?? WHAT ?

I spend most of the time on this subject because I am aware and yes I know the only reason that pull my pointer down from 3.50 is the Japanese course..gosshhhh why is it so HARD !

I studied Japanese every day !!! doesn’t it enough yet ? every time before I started my painting..I studied Japanese..I know how studying those things killing my brain and making me tired..(very tired actually) after that only I push myself doing my painting..which took the most hours of my sleep time.

Is it fair God ? Don’t make me sad Father..I know..I know..I am always be the stubborn one..putting my face away from Your commands..I knew..and I just couldn’t be the best child of Yours..I am not sulking definitely not being angry with You dear Father..I am sorry Father..I am just being me..human.

Father..I am not smart..and I am not the best human being on Earth..I also happen to be..nobody in this world but a sinner..

Father..when You commanded human to..

“ Seek first the kingdom of Heaven..and the REST will be given to you ” Father..I trusted that..and..I am very worried.

Does it means that I am not being a good child of Yours yet Father ?

Well technically, because I didn’t get the gred I deserved..were I ? Or it just happen because I did not try my best..

Father..how can I be assure that this time everthing will be fine ? Father..what should I do ? Father I am very sorry…please don’t leave me..I am naughty and I will be better next time..I will be a good girl..soon..Father…don’t neglecting me please God..:( I need You so much..

Sometimes..I just don’t understand how things goes in adult’s eyes..and I just don’t understand how to ease everyone.. I just don’t know how..I loose ? maybe..from what kind of fight ? dear Lord..sometimes I just wanna walk away..alone..and feel this emptiness by myself..maybe the time will arrive..where I finally be free..from my very own sympathetic feels.

Father..I read..I see..I felt..Your promises was REAL..and I just couldn’t ask for more when it just hits the light..I am so happy..and on that time I just couldn’t stop praising Your name..magnify Your power…Owh Father..it was beautiful..

And yes..the same me..putting Your very pure love in this situation..I am SORRY FATHER..

I didn’t do my best..I should push myself more..:(

Father..I want to ease You everyday..but I am not strong enough..Father..people come and go in my life..but one..You never leave me..I am very happy..You are my bestfriend..Father..You gave me Papau..and He comforts me in my very dark’s hours..in my very sad moment..in my very hard time..

Are You trying to teach me to be stronger Father ?

You take him back when You know that I can handle more things nowadays..Father ?

You love me so much..You didn’t let me cry alone when I loose Papau..You gave me Clement..Father?

I had been such a bad child..Father..I am very sorry..I was confuse and angry that it makes me forgot all the things You have done for me..Father I loose my bestfriend papau..but You are willing to let Your only Son to die for me ??

I worship You God..thank You Father. I love You. Things don’t always be smooth..I will hold on for a little more time..
Sincerely your open blogpal,

Grace.